3.20.2013

How Does God See ME?

I just finished a book called Waking the Dead.  It is a really, really good read~ mine is scribbled all over, highlighted, stared, and dog-eared.  And I only write all over my favorite books:).

About a third of the way in (page 85, in case you have the book, too), the author poses the question,
"What do you think of me, God? Who am I to you?"

God answered him with, "You are my Wallace."
As in, William Wallace in Braveheart.

This was one of my favorite parts of the book.  I mean, it is scribbled ALL.OVER. I never, ever thought about that before...how does God see me?  Made me think.

A lot.

Phil and I were talking about it a few days later...Each of us, being honest and listening for God to speak to our hearts, talking about how God sees us.
What words describe us or what character are we, individually, in his kingdom?
What would he call me?
What part do I play?

I mentioned to Phil that the words that came to mind for myself were "gentle" and "warrior."  I didn't really like the cheesy-ness of "The Gentle Warrior"...but those words were the ones that came to mind first.  

About a week later, Phil told me while we were driving in the car that he thought "gentle" was not what God would call me.  

I felt really taken back. I mean, I'm a girl...hello...I'd like to be gentle.  I feel like that is the sister word to "feminine."  It makes me soft and frilly. So, I started to apologize.  I immediately felt like I had let him down...like I messed up in my role, my part~ what I was suppose to be.

He looked at me kind of funny.
And said, "Don't apologize.  I love that about you. You're fiery and passionate."
And I replied, yeah...but I'm like super shy and quiet.  that is kinda....gentle, right?
He said, "You are quiet.  But you are not gentle.  You have a quiet fire."

I had thought about that part of my book so much this month.  So many times, in the midst of saying, hey, God...Who am I to you?  I would think of Queen Gorgo in the movie 300. And it made a lot of sense after Phil let me in on the secret of how he saw me:).  God definitely got my attention with my husband's words.  

300 is one of my top two *favoritest* movies.  like, EVER.  I love so much about that movie-- the colors, the artistic interpretation of simple moments, the story, the strength, the heroic characters.  After watching it in the theater ages ago, I told Phil while driving home, the queen made the movie for me.  (To which he replied, yeah. she was hot.  but anyways...)  I loved the way her husband, the king, saw her, how he valued her, how he loved her so much~ words were not even necessary sometimes.  I also thought she was just plain old awesome sauce.  All that chick needed to do was nod, and she sent the message.  She might not have the prettiest name in the world, but she was freakin' stellar in my book.

When I am feeling totally unmotivated to get on the treadmill, it is the movie I pop into the dvd player to watch while I run.  And it isn't even the fighting scenes that get me into the running groove ~ it is the quiet scenes with the queen.  Quiet, but impassioned and fiery.

Here are my favorite three clips of the queen in the movie.


"Come back with your shield...or on it."

Strength. Seeing the bigger picture. Heroism. Honor. Loving deeper than the places fear can reach. Saying what needs to be said, even when it is hard. Being quiet when nothing needs to be said at all.  Knowing her role.  And living up to it. 

She was not a perfect character, but I am drawn to all her character traits~ more so than being soft and gentle and "frilly"... the things I assumed were part of me because I imagined they were expected of me.  It is okay to be something different than what is expected.  

I am not Gorgo (I wouldn't look nearly as pretty as her in those togas:)...but I think she is a good starting point in really understanding how God sees me and what makes my heart feel alive and free.  I still make mistakes in life-- speaking too much when I should just shut up...or being cowardly and not speaking at all.  I am often fearful instead of heroic. Sometimes I have not respected my husband.  And I have dishonored my King.  

But I know the woman I want to be. 
I know the woman I am capable of being...
And it is a beautiful and freeing place to finally see myself the way God sees me.
A freed heart alive in his glory.
Ready to play an "irreplaceable role" in the story he has for me.

Then the time came when the risk it took
To remain tight in a bud was more painful
Than the risk it took to blossom.
                                                  ~Anais Nin

Have you ever stopped to consider how God sees you?
What words or characters come to mind??...
(Think about asking others how they see you~ 
it can be kinda eye-opening:)...

22 comments:

  1. Okay, you just made our evening. ;) I had to pop on over here before bedtime to read this beautiful post. A quiet fire is an amazing description of you! And of course, seeing even the numbers 300 had my husband curious while I lay in bed next to him reading your blog. So we watched the most powerful clip - sword drawn, head turn, Queen nod, Sparta kick. And suddenly my husband wants to run downstairs to find the movie even though it's midnight. ;) Thank you for sharing your beautiful insight! I have to put that book on my reading list now...

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    1. this is the best comment to receive over a post i was nervous to publish.
      thank you for making MY night, Joni <3

      xx

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  2. This is an amazing post and really has me thinking! In that same light I am trying to figure out my purpose...what does God want me to do to build and enhance His Kingdom? I''m still trying to figure that out! Maybe thinking about your questions will help me figure out the other stuff too! I love that so many of your posts speak to the heart. I think God would be proud that you use your blog to share His Word and witness to others. One more reason for Him to say, well done my child.

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    1. beautiful encouragement <3.
      thank you, friend.

      xx

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  3. I don't want to know. I'm kinda scared. I'll ask Hubby tomorrow.

    Maybe.

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  4. Isn't it fun to look at people, smile, and see the love of our Lord in their eyes? It is so amazing to know, beyond any words, our fellow Christians and the love we share for Him. With you, and your lovely family, the love transcends through the photos you share with us. Thanks for your words and art, Krista.

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  5. Wow this really makes me think. I know others see me as bubbly, smiling positive girl who makes the most of every day, well that's what I let them see! I know people have said they admire the way I cope and handle my medical conditions and how I cope when I can't walk etc. But me? I think I'm probably a Quiet Fire too. I'd like to think that God would see me that way, that I'm like I am because He has given me the strength to cope and if that means I can inspire others through that well that's fab too. I love these posts you publish, they always help me to focus and to stop and think. You always help me to find my way a little, to bring me back to what I feel inside. So thank you lovely! Take care Zo xx

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    1. Great post! I have never seen the movie or read the book you mentioned. I am going to have to see if I can find a copy of it.

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  6. When I read some of your post, I often have to pause, step back and reflect. This one hit home for me, recently my husband and I sat down for a chat and realized that we hadn't had a real conversation in weeks. We have let the 'other stuff' in our lives become more important then our family time. Thank you for your bravery when you express your thoughts with post like this and saying what others (like myself) are too afraid to write, much less say.

    300 is only my favorites because of the Queen's strength and faith.

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  7. Thank you for this post. I ask myself that question all the time and strive to live up to what is expected of me. The one thing I carry in my mind ALWAYS, is that I am His daughter and He loves me.

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  8. Oh, this! I'll do my best not to write an essay on how much I want to hug you right now (or do a tough-guy 'chest high five') to you.. lol!
    I'm sure you've heard the saying that "quiet waters run deep"? Well, if you're a quiet fire.. I see that at play. The more you are still - quiet - before His presence.. the more you reflect Him to this world. And you're fire... makes me think of the sweet "this lil' light of mine, I'm going to let it shine". And that you do. Way to use your heart, your life, your blog, your voice to SHINE out for His glory - you inspire many!!
    Love you lady.
    xx
    mel
    needle and nest

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  9. Thanks...
    Beautiful, nothing else to say!

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  10. You know... I guess I never really HAVE thought about how God sees me.... I worry about how others see me, and sometimes, like others, worry about acting how I "think" others see me... but truly, the most important person to think about would be God... your post is really making me think today!!!!!
    Hugs,
    Teri

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  11. wow Krista, what a though provoking post, you write so beautifully. Have never seen that film, must look out for it x

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  12. I've never seen the movie, but will definitely put it on the watch list. I love the music in it--very mesmerizing. The clips remind me of the STARZ series Spartacus (maybe the movie 300 wouldn't be quite as racy and brutal though). In fact, the black guy that gets pushed in the hole is in Spartacus also. We are movie buffs, so 300 looks like a winner. I think it's amazing that Phil talks to you so frankly about God...he's not your typical guy...a keeper for sure... was he always like this? Or did his 'queen' have some influence on him...? ;)

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  13. Hi Krista,
    I can't speak for how God sees you but i can tell you how I see you

    - You are my hero - when i grow up I want to be like Krista (I'm 62 right now!)

    I love your spirit, your dreads, your tats (I never thought I'd say that) your drawings and your down and out love of God and your fearlessness in sharing. Many times on hyour blog, you have motivated/iunspired me to take baby steps to get back closer to God.
    I'm not ready to ask myself that question right now (it would hurt my head) but who knows what the future holds
    xx Roseanne

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  14. Love that Anaïs Nin quote, fab! Love the way your write too Krista, from the heart, risking it all, bearing it all. You to me hunny are a 'Steel Magnolia'. Which really sums up all I want to say. Mwah, Wends x

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  15. What a great post. Unfortunately, last night was not my best moment and has some hubble pie and apologized to my hubby this morning for some things I said when I was angry. It is interesting to think also of how we think we see each other and how others, like your hubby describe you.
    I felt as if I have been wandering in the wilderness until a girls week-end last week with fellowship and now am craving his word and to be better and make him proud. Thank you for the thought today and look forward to your Friday posts. Have a blessed day!!

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  16. Gosh, now that is a question, must ask a few people, it may give a few of us a bit of confidence too, in how we view ourselves.

    Thank you for the thought.

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  17. That is a great question- I will think about this all day now and chat with Hubby about it too- hubby has such a fantastic spirit and heart- he does not let too much get him down! Thanks for such an inspiring post! I am following you on Bloglovin and set up my blog there as well.....

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  18. Goodness, its interesting to think of what God thinks of me. I know what I think of me, and its not always good. But I am sure (at least I would hope) that God see's me better than I often see myself. And that's the person I strive to be!

    Great post as usual, Krista! And I loved that you shared the 300 clips. 300 and Gladiator are in my top very favorite movies as well!

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  19. Thank you! Can I recommend The Purpose driven Life from Rick Warren too, this is a book that had a big impact in my life lately!
    Have a great day!

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