6.10.2013

Oceans. Mamalogues. And a Song.


 

I have a few friendships from blogging that I feel are real.  Real and true, like I could pop over this persons house and totally feel at home...just pick up a conversation, have a glass of tea, and plop down on the couch for an afternoon of yapping.

She is one.

So, I am linking up to Mel's blog today.
Ahhhhh....the beauty and breakdowns of motherhood...

The breakdown this week.
Um. kay. Where do I start?

Niamh.
She has a phobia of all natural disasters.  

I'd like to say we don't really get too many here in South Jersey. 
But so far, the kid has experienced a 5.8 magnitude earthquake.  Multiple hurricanes.  A "super derecho" that left us minus 5 trees in our yard.  And yeah~ we live in Jersey.

We were out doing errands on Friday evening.  All day was solid rain.  Because we got the remnants of a tropical storm passing over.  So, it was wet and nasty outside.  

I am a prepared mama.  So, I get the National Weather Service weather alerts sent to my phone via texts.  Basically, I like to get a jump on anything coming our way.  So I can prepare my little spaz for what is coming...get her calmed before the storm.

She heard my phone go off...the >>>>BEEEEP.BEEEEP.BEEEEP. <<<< that means "this is an emergency."  She started the freak-out "OH.MY. GOSH. mom.  what is that?!!!!!!!" I laughed. Because she is all drama-mama at this point.  It was a flash-flood warning for our area.  I brushed it off.  Told Niamh we don't get like flash floods, hello. The warning is for people who live near ponds, lakes, streams. Because the water levels are high when it rains all day.  
No sweat. 
Chill out.  
I got this. 
I actually know way more than the National Weather Service, dude-et.

Five minutes later. 
We were driving through a foot of water rushing off a farm field. 
Got ourselves jammed between flooded roads. 
I mean, water in waves coming off the fields, people.
My car was down-shifting, struggling to push forward.
huh. 
Flash floods are real.
Noted.

Niamh had her hands over her eyes in the backseat.  
Praying [loudly] to Jesus. 
And intermittently, telling me I have no idea what I'm talking about in life. 
Also, "thanks a lot, mom."
I was yelling.  And maybe cursing, too. 
Telling Niamh this is really just a huge puddle.
And I got this.
Also, everyone just shut.up.please.
We are going to drown if you don't let me figure this out. 
Phil called somewhere in the panic.  
My brother saw me headed down that road.
He called Phil to tell me to get the h-e-double-hockey-sticks out of there.
I hung up on my husband.
Philly. 
He was telling us a story about something totally off-topic. 
I'm not sure how he plays the oblivious card so well...but it works for him.
Oh, to be Philly...just rollin' with the punches.

Anyways, we ended up okay.
I turned around. 
And turned around again. 
Drove through three more oceans.
And made it to dry ground. 
I repented. 
Said I was sorry to my kids.
For my mouth.
Because I said sh*# twice.
(I curse when I get scared.)
Also, for telling Niamh there is no such thing as flash floods in South Jersey.
Who knew.

The breakdown.
That is me, sometimes. 
I am the breakdown. 
I am in a situation; I know what to do.
And I do it...But there is a panic to me.
I become a foul-mouthed sailor.
Or a panic-stricken kid again.
I get a little "cray-cray" as Niamh would put it.
And I never meant to give that to my kids...but I see it in Niamh.
She is a mess.
A little broken mess in her fearfulness. 
I am working on that~ I fight against my spirit of fear every.single.day.
It overwhelms me sometimes. 
But I choose Jesus.
I have to.
I am getting better at it. 
I have to get better, because I want Niamh to be strong and courageous.
Fear is okay...but letting it become bigger than my faith in Christ is not.

And the beauty in these moments?
Niamh.
In her time of need, in her fear~
Her place of refuge is Christ. 
She knows He controls her day. The outcome of a situation.
The waters.
Jesus calms the storm with a word.
She calls out to her Father.
That is beautiful to me.
She is beautiful to me.

I'm in love with the song at the bottom of this post. 
Please play it.
Close your eyes.
And listen.
Jesus took me deeper than I wanted to go Friday.
Literally:).
And Niamh showed me who I want to be all the time.
Finding security.hope.calm in Jesus...

Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) by Hillsong United on Grooveshark

29 comments:

  1. how beautiful!!
    I am so glad you are all safe
    x

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  2. OMG!! I've juste read your adventure!!! and I am very glad that everything end up well for all of you!

    You work very hard and being a mom, a wife and a woman it's not easy everyday, mom does mistakes sometime it does not mean that your have to be perfect :) Sure Niamh understands that somewhere inside even when she is in panic mode :)

    Take care and I hope you will be done with any natural disaster for at least a while ;) xx

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  3. Awww, we all have those "mom moments" (mine--when we were not able to get home due to the fires in Southern California and I. was. freaking. out. )

    Carry on Krista!
    :)
    Melissa T.

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  4. So glad you were safe. It's pretty scary especially when you're trying to not show your fear to your children. We have that in the U.K quite often in the winter, in the area I live in. At one point I thought I wouldn't be able to pick my children up from school as the rivers/ fields had flooded nearly all the routes to the school. Luckily I managed to get to them, but it nearly meant asking a friend with a Land Rover to take us.
    I have Mom moments all the time and am trying to do better. I think we are always trying to do the best for our children x

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  5. EEEK!!! glad you are all OKAY!!! My gosh how scary!!! Have a Wonderful week!! hugs, Heidi

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  6. I had never heard this song before, but thought I would quickly listen before I headed out the door to my appt. with the oncology surgeon - an appt. I REALLY DON'T want to go to..... you can't begin to know how this song helped me put my cancer journey all in perspective today. I needed the reminder. thank you more than you will ever know.

    your beautiful daughter has learned to lean upon our Saviour from YOU, Krista. you may think you have so many short-comings, but she has learned to rest in His arms from a mother who teaches that He is always there - in sunshine and storms.

    God knows your heart. and He loves you. always. :)
    and He keeps all of you safely tucked beneath His wings.

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    Replies
    1. you blessed my heart so much, Jen.
      i am sitting here in tears. i hope your appointment goes well.
      praying for you, friend.

      <3

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  7. Oh Krista, you do get yourself into "things" don't you??? I'm sure it wasn't funny at the time, but I did have to laugh cause as soon as you said we don't get flash floods, I knew what was coming!!So glad it worked out and the message was well received!
    Hugs,
    Teri

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  8. oh mama - I got goosebumps reading this.. first cuz we're like, in sync and you're welcome to come a-yappin' anytime!!! MUAH! But reading how crazy that whole situation was - and how REAL you write it - always humbly, comically, faith-fully.. love your style. Then, the song, goosebumps on top of the ones I already had.
    Gosh, you're my soul sister.. but I'm probably more like Philly.. and go into oblivious zone (or like that prairie 'girl' on Rango who just freezes!) lol!
    Stay dry, keep trusting, keep being real - the beauty + the breakdown can all point to the ROCK Who is higher than I. xxoo ..xxXX..O..XX..oox.
    mel
    needle and nest

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  9. Wow, you sound a bit like me. When I am afraid I say things I normally wouldn't. Sometimes my daughter (14) reminds me I am intelligent enough to think of other words to express my feelings than bad ones. Opps, that's pretty embarrassing when your kid puts you in place. But like you, it also makes me proud of her because that is probably something I'd say if I wasn't losing it at the minute! We do pass on to our kids more than genes, they see how we react and mimic us. Lol, I just love your writing style, always puts a smile on my face because I can envision it all unfolding before my eyes. Oh, and your oblivious Philly, boys are like that. My son is exactly that way too.

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  10. Hi Krista, wow, that sounds like some storm. You sound a lot like me to. I do the same, react the same. I think it's bc it's what we feel we have to do - keep calm for our kids, but inside we're falling apart scared. I get told sometimes by my kids, 17 and almost 13, "Mom, it's ok, it's not that bad, we'll make it work .. might want to try a better word though!" And of course then we laugh. I love how you write about your life, you bring us there with you. I agree with Jennifer .. YOU are teaching your kids, even if you don't think so at times. One thing I have learned is that no one said life would be easy xo

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  11. Oh hunni, how scary for you all, I would never have coped, I have a fear of water and this wouod have been so scary. But you did good and you all got through it (even if you did curse!) I bet Niamh has learnt a lot from how you coped, you have taught her and continue to teach her some wonderful life lessons. As for Philly! Lol that just cracked me up, that is so like Alex!
    The song is beautiful, the words so meaningful and strong, I listened to it through several times and I can see why you love it. First time I cried, second time I was calmer and listed to the words more. Thank you for sharing it <3
    Love and hugs
    Kat xx

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  12. Wow...such a moving song and so appropriate to alleviate your fears. Niamh will continue to be afraid until her maturity, and heart, are ready to TOTALLY know - be absolutely certain - that our Lord is with her and will protect her. She is stronger than she knows, and only time and maturity will alleviate the fears of her childhood. May God continue to bless each of your beautiful family. And, thanks for sharing the song...I will be putting it on my IPOd tonight and listening to it until I have it memorized.

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  13. Currently have little rivers running down my cheeks, heartbreakingly beautiful share Krista. Love your heart mama. You touch me so deeply, often! Bless you and your beautiful brood. Hugs, Wends xxx

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  14. I can't listen to the song because I'm on my phone but I loved reading this. I don't necessarily believe in God but I do believe that there is a higher power and someone that put us here on this earth for a reason. So reading that God protected you amd kept you safe is so amazing to read. I'm so happy you and your family are safe and you will keep your faith with you.

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  15. Wow, you sound like me when I get scared or upset...Thanks for keeping it real and thank you for the encouraging words and song. I'm glad to hear you Niamh are safe!

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  16. Boy, can I relate.

    Mari from Moore.

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  17. omgosh I love this song, going to add it to my spotify right now.
    I had to giggle at your flood story, I can so totally imagine you all because mo would so be like philly, telling me something random about his day in great detail!!
    huge hugs for you hunny
    Lou xxxxxxxx

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  18. Glad that ur all safe :)
    Ur so brave! we don't, we'll where I live I've never seen any natural disasters; I think I would b freakin out and not know wat to do!
    Sounds like u've got ur faith in the right place
    Xo

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  19. WOW- so glad you made it home safely- and awwww- I have a couple of anxious daughters too- anxiety is fear of the future unknowns.......depression is from the past.... And, unfortunately...I love that SH** word too when I feel anxiety..... Love the song : )

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  20. Thanks so much for sharing glad that your all safe, the song is lovely hugs xx

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  21. Great great song krista. Glad you are all safe. I learned about floods when I moved from New York to Texas, because your right, they just don happen on the east coast. Crazy!!! And I'm the same way, cuss like a sailor when I'm in a situation and nervous. My kids just learned to either ignore me or shake it off. Actually I think now Gianna does it lol. Great gabbi. And just to let you know, you are welcome to plop yourself on my couch anytime girl. You and your whole adorable family.
    Hugs
    Gabb

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  22. Oh wow that is not just a great song its inspiring .Thank you for the reduced image and the song .I am so happy you are all safe and sound and i pray you always will be .Krista thank you for your help with image xx

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  23. Krista Smith...I have to say that I love you girl !! I mean every time I read your posts I feel so full of life and hope. I know that it's okay not to be perfect. I know that being ME is enough. I know that God loves me...he made me...flaws and all. This song is a beautiful one...I just loved. it. Thank you for being you and sharing you...through your words and art. I just love it.

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  24. Loved the story. Your daughter will go through fears off and on like this. I think you are doing a great job if she knows enough to bow her head and pray already (that really touched my heart). Hang in there!! Beautiful song too.

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  25. Tara is the same way. She HATES thunder & is afraid of hurricanes, tornados etc. She is obsessed with the weather on my ipod & checks it every 15 minutes. I never have to watch the weather because she knows what the temp is & if it's going to rain or thunder.

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  26. I, absolutely, adored this. So so understandable. I have to say that your sailor's mouth is nothing compared to my sailor's mouth. :-) But momentarily mommy panicking is so normal. It stops your breath and brings your stomach to knots. Faith in God will bring you through it. We are human and we make mistakes. Our children pick up our bad habits and our fears so we have to be mindful. I laughed (especially about Philly talking about something so off topic - I've been there). I got teary eyed because I loved how you apologized. I apologize to my kids too. And that's ok. We all have our (say it in a sarcastic way) "mommy of the year moments". And it ok. Amazing post!

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  27. I cannot get enough of this beautiful song and wonder where and how you found such an appropriate song for your struggles? Miss you still. . .

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