I have a few friendships from blogging that I feel are real. Real and true, like I could pop over this persons house and totally feel at home...just pick up a conversation, have a glass of tea, and plop down on the couch for an afternoon of yapping.
She is one.
So, I am linking up to Mel's blog today.
Ahhhhh....the beauty and breakdowns of motherhood...
The breakdown this week.
Um. kay. Where do I start?
She has a phobia of all natural disasters.
I'd like to say we don't really get too many here in South Jersey.
But so far, the kid has experienced a 5.8 magnitude earthquake. Multiple hurricanes. A "super derecho" that left us minus 5 trees in our yard. And yeah~ we live in Jersey.
We were out doing errands on Friday evening. All day was solid rain. Because we got the remnants of a tropical storm passing over. So, it was wet and nasty outside.
I am a prepared mama. So, I get the National Weather Service weather alerts sent to my phone via texts. Basically, I like to get a jump on anything coming our way. So I can prepare my little spaz for what is coming...get her calmed before the storm.
She heard my phone go off...the >>>>BEEEEP.BEEEEP.BEEEEP. <<<< that means "this is an emergency." She started the freak-out "OH.MY. GOSH. mom. what is that?!!!!!!!" I laughed. Because she is all drama-mama at this point. It was a flash-flood warning for our area. I brushed it off. Told Niamh we don't get like flash floods, hello. The warning is for people who live near ponds, lakes, streams. Because the water levels are high when it rains all day.
I got this.
I actually know way more than the National Weather Service, dude-et.
Five minutes later.
We were driving through a foot of water rushing off a farm field.
Got ourselves jammed between flooded roads.
I mean, water in waves coming off the fields, people.
My car was down-shifting, struggling to push forward.
Flash floods are real.
Niamh had her hands over her eyes in the backseat.
Praying [loudly] to Jesus.
And intermittently, telling me I have no idea what I'm talking about in life.
Also, "thanks a lot, mom."
I was yelling. And maybe cursing, too.
Telling Niamh this is really just a huge puddle.
And I got this.
Also, everyone just shut.up.please.
We are going to drown if you don't let me figure this out.
Phil called somewhere in the panic.
My brother saw me headed down that road.
He called Phil to tell me to get the h-e-double-hockey-sticks out of there.
I hung up on my husband.
He was telling us a story about something totally off-topic.
I'm not sure how he plays the oblivious card so well...but it works for him.
Oh, to be Philly...just rollin' with the punches.
Anyways, we ended up okay.
I turned around.
And turned around again.
Drove through three more oceans.
And made it to dry ground.
Said I was sorry to my kids.
For my mouth.
Because I said sh*# twice.
(I curse when I get scared.)
Also, for telling Niamh there is no such thing as flash floods in South Jersey.
That is me, sometimes.
I am the breakdown.
I am in a situation; I know what to do.
And I do it...But there is a panic to me.
I become a foul-mouthed sailor.
Or a panic-stricken kid again.
I get a little "cray-cray" as Niamh would put it.
And I never meant to give that to my kids...but I see it in Niamh.
She is a mess.
A little broken mess in her fearfulness.
I am working on that~ I fight against my spirit of fear every.single.day.
It overwhelms me sometimes.
But I choose Jesus.
I have to.
I am getting better at it.
I have to get better, because I want Niamh to be strong and courageous.
Fear is okay...but letting it become bigger than my faith in Christ is not.
And the beauty in these moments?
In her time of need, in her fear~
Her place of refuge is Christ.
She knows He controls her day. The outcome of a situation.
Jesus calms the storm with a word.
She calls out to her Father.
That is beautiful to me.
She is beautiful to me.
I'm in love with the song at the bottom of this post.
Please play it.
Close your eyes.
Jesus took me deeper than I wanted to go Friday.
And Niamh showed me who I want to be all the time.
Finding security.hope.calm in Jesus...